"he was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies" John 8:44
I wanted to take a break from the fruit for just a bit and share with you something that has been heavy on my heart. Over that past few months, I have been struggling internally with some future goals. I have a passion for writing but can't help but wonder, not only where I am headed but also the effectiveness of it's content. I began to analyze. When we analyze we can think things to the point of irrational thoughts. We begin to believe any lies thrown our way from the enemy. I analyzed to the point of not writing for a bit, then a few weeks ago I had received news that an old family friend had passed away. I hadn't seen him in years, but I wanted to go to the funeral home and pay my respects to the family that was left behind.
As I stood in line waiting to go in, there were two rooms with people in them. Each room had a sign above the door with the persons name and dates of birth and death on it. The one across the hall was a woman who was in her nineties, and though the people were sad, it was more of a celebration of a long life lived. The line that I was in, however, showed a sign of a much younger man. You see this young man had taken his own life. There were pictures of him smiling, just as I remembered him.
All around, there were collages with pictures outlining a short yet full life lived. Though I hadn't seen him in quite a few years, the more recent pictures doted the same familiar smile. Which makes the thought of why we were there that much more confusing.
As I thought about this devastating loss to this young mans family and friends, I was hit with the harsh realization that at some point he bought into some lies himself. The bible says that Satan's purpose with us is to kill, steal and destroy, which he is very good at, I might add. At some point, this young man lost hope. He had to believe there was no other option than death. Thoughts of lies that he may have entertained swirled around in my head. Maybe he thought nobody cared about him, which judging by the amount of kleenex people went through, that was not true. Maybe he thought that his life didn't matter, again a lie, I hadn't seen him in years, yet I cannot get him out of my mind. I'm pretty sure he mattered to the people left behind with nothing but the pain of the loss of this young man. The thought of what his family and close friends are going through breaks my heart. Even sitting here I realize that we will never know exactly what he felt for sure. What I do know is the enemy is not done working.
As I stood there, I saw him at work in the people around me. Though many emotions crept through that room, confusion was a big one. My heart went out to the people that were left with nothing but questions like "why didn't I" and "what if I". Knowing that Satan was making his to-do list full of guilt and confusion, I knew that all I could do was pray for the enemy to be unable to take root in their hearts.
When I left the funeral home, my heart continued to break for the unnecessary loss that his family and friends have no choice but to accept. The surreal thoughts kept finding a place in my mind. I remembered the verse in Ephesians 6:12 "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Yet Psalm 42:5: says "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." This Psalm tells a story of someone struggling, yet their hope is in the Lord. Until we put our hope in Him we will not be able to decipher the lies from the truth. Ephesians 1:18-19 says " I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe."
After leaving the funeral home, the thought occurred to me that this is exactly why I write. I write to diffuse the lies of the enemy and share the truth of the bible. To hopefully, in some small way be used by God to lead people in His direction. To help ready people for battle in this war that they never signed up for and by pointing them to the weapons that God has given them already. To perhaps see people that I love turn their hearts toward God giving over to Him full reign to do His will in their lives. I realize this ability to write has absolutely nothing to do with me, nor does my future in it. I have been humbled yet again by the realization that my pen belongs to God and I will thank Him for allowing me to hold it and in some small way, be a part of the plan.