Once we make the decision to allow God to heal, He begins to show you the reasons you are hurting. Just because He showed me the thing that is keeping me from the abundant life, doesn't mean that God will just fix it. Oh no, He will take us through our journey, pointing out the stumbling blocks along the way.
The first thing that God showed me was something I wasn't expecting. He showed me that I didn't believe Him. I didn't know if I didn't believe He could or would want to heal me, but either way, I didn't believe God. That was a tough pill to swallow. As I shared at a ladies retreat this weekend, I treated God as if He were a set of china. He was on display in my life, however, I did not use Him for everyday. I wanted to save Him for the big things, the special occasions.
There was a part of me that feared calling on my God for this healing because I didn't want Him to let me down. He is God and if He can't, then what? When God showed me this, I repented of my unbelief. I was reminded of a man in Mark 9 whose son was possessed. He came to Jesus looking for healing for his son. He tells Jesus about the boys life and proceeds to ask Jesus if He could heal him, would He have mercy on the boy. Jesus replies in verse 23 "If you can! All things are possible for the one who believes." For which the man cries out "I believe; help my unbelief!"
Did you ever feel like this? Yes God I do believe all that your word says, now help my small little mind wrap around the fact that you are talking to me here! Why is it that we expect and await miracles in the lives of the believers around us, yet we struggle to feel worthy of the miracles in our lives? If we are asking the Lord if He can do something in our lives, we need to revisit His word and the meaning of faith. Which is exactly what I did. Let's pray:
"Lord, well here we are on the next part of our journey. I thank You for Your truth, even though it hurts. I thank You for Your word. I thank You Father for healing. I thank You for loving me.....but more than that, I thank You for loving me enough not to leave me where I am at. Your word says that You will bind the broken hearted. Can I just say yeay! I pray for each one on this journey along with me. Lord I pray a heavy dose of truth on their lives. May You speak as clearly to them as You did me. I pray they have the courage to hear that truth and put on their hiking shoes, there is a journey ahead. I pray all this in the mighty name of Jesus ~ Amen"